there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
