he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
