just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
