Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
