You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
