i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
