im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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