went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
