Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
