OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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