Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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