I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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