Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
