I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
