This girl is more easily done than said...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
