your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
