I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
