I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
