I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
