somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
