What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
