yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Girls should come with a carfax report
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
