i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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