she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
