I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
