you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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