I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Mom said you looked used
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
