You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
