I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
