Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
