I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
