dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
