Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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