I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
