those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
