yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need a beard to bite.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
