Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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