well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
