I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
