please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
