P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
