my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
