I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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