Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
