summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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