so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
