I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
