I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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