I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
