I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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