when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
