Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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